I’m scared because I just started dating a man and I really, really like him.
Although we are in the baby-phases of dating, I haven’t felt this feeling in a long time. And it feels both amazing…and terrifying.
It’s scary because it requires me to be vulnerable. It’s scary because it requires me to open up to the possibility of liking someone a lot and it not working out…and then there's the fear of it actually working.
My ego-mind is up to its old tricks. It’s putting up the caution tape. It’s encouraging me to play it cool, saying: don’t show too much emotion; don’t open up your heart. It’s whispering to me: This will never work, Heather.
I can feel myself wanting to go back to my old shut down ways, which were totally driven by fear.
Sometimes this frustrates me. After spiritually and emotionally growing so much over the past two years, to see that so much fear still exists surprises me.
The difference between now and then is that now I see it. And I see it as a tool. And, even better, I know what to do with it.
Although fear feels like wearing a too-tight turtleneck that you can’t seem to get out of, it can be the cornerstone of growth. You see, where fear pops up--or slinks in, more like--lies a chance for you to learn a powerful lesson about yourself.
What I encourage you to do, no matter what, is listen to the fear. Invite it in like you would a welcome guest. Ask it what it wants. Ask it what it’s protecting you from. Ask it why it just won’t let go. These insights are invaluable.
Next, make your choice. Are you going to stay in your default zone and obey the fear, or are you going to choose to do the opposite of your default and take the opportunity to grow?
Fear wants you to stay in your comfort zone.
And, guess what? There’s no growing or changing in the comfort zone. If you like where you are, then, by all means, give into the fear. A comfort zone is, after all, comfortable. But if you’re tired of living the same old patterns, use the fear to your advantage!
By using fear as an impetus for change, you can take the power back. In that moment where the creeping voice tells you to hold back or put your guard up, you can choose to do the opposite of your default. Even if it’s just letting your guard down a smidge more than you normally would or allowing yourself to say something that feels just a tad risky for you.
Every slight shift will lead up to a bigger shift. That bigger shift will open you up to the love you deserve because you will be living life as authentically as possible.
Fear, although so very uncomfortable, has been my greatest teacher in love. So, as it creeps in today, I'll invite it in and have a little chat. We have a lot to talk about.
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